Fumbling Idiot
Akward in Bed… not my fault – 31
I’m a woman who is horribly awkward in bed.
Most of the time I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing, and the confusion angers most of the men I’ve been with so they yell at me and leave.
This only makes it worst for the next guy, as at that point, I’m completely frazzled and not even sure where to begin.
It’s like my head can tell my hands what to do, but i fumble around dick. It just throws me off.
I’m 5’7″, slighty chubby, with big boobs (lot of help they are, don’t know what I’m supposed to do with them either) who’s looking for someone who can help my akwardness.
Prefer well brained and well trained, as I’m a Harvard Grad Student (Getty School) and need someone to explain things in a language I understand.
Please submit any suggestions with a picture…
Stats
Posted Boston Mass.
Alive for 1 hour 35 minutes on a Saturday night
Total Responses: 189
Face Pictures: 77
Penis Pictures:11
GIANT Picture of an Uncircumsized Penis With Shaved Balls:1
Other: 3
Butt Shots: 1
Awe, somebody’s awkward in bed. It’s not me, but by this time in the project, I was aiming for less gross, more weird, and sometimes kind responses. Posted in Boston, I figured I’d snag a few pompous dudes looking to take advantage of a smart, but apparently inexperienced woman. And maybe even a few pompous dudes who were sincerely trying to help a woman in need, while getting their dick sucked. So here we go!!
Here is one man who prefers chubby women, and has what it takes to
make you feel comfortable in bed even if you start out feeling
awkward. I’m fairly dominant – at least, forward – and so it is my
job to make you comfortable and satisfy you. Don’t worry about what
to do with your hands. I will never yell at you. I’m a science
professor, in my 50s, just across the river from you, very fit,
5’8/160, literate and wickedly good-humored, well versed in finding
what version of the language is right for you.
I can help you be the naughty little princess of your fantasies.
I am a well dressed business professional, well known in my community. I am 50, 5’11”, athletic (football type), educated, well groomed. My townhouse in Boston is the perfect place to play, and has multiple bedrooms, and available toys. The wine racks are full, and I love vodka martinis!
i pride myself as a gentleman, so you will be treated safely, and well, at all times. We will work to discover your secrets, your sexual urges, so you can be the slave you yearn to be. I expect you to slowly undress yourself in front of me. Imagine a sexy silk scarf tied on you as a blindfold. Then, I will have you dance around, touch yourself, and show me what lights your fires.
When our bodies touch, you will kiss me, and remove my clothes –we’ll see how well you are trying. You will need to remove my boxers with your teeth. If you are not working hard enough, you will be taken over my knees! If that’s not enough, you may be tied up for my pleasures.
Once your sweet cheeks are nice and rosy, I will slurp your nipples until they are hard as diamonds, We want all of you dripping and prepared for action.
Because, we then have some serious loving to do…
You know what might not make my nipples hard? Slurping at them. Just the word is enough… Slurping soup is rude. Slurping nipples is super rude.
honestly im gonna try and say this as nice as i can, but honestly i think we should fuck! I’m a 23 yr old male with a bachelors degree. So i say we get 2gether sometime and get down 2 studying, like 2 mature adults.
Honestly, I’m gonna try and say this as nice as I can, but mature adults spell out the words to and two. We care about those extra letters.
HI I’M JIM…. EX-ARMY….I LIKE TO HELP U …. I’M 42…SLIMBUILD…168….I HAVE TRAINED MANY FEMALES IN THIS ART OF LOVE MAKINGANDMAKING LOVE …… LET ME KNOW …… THE DRILL SARGENT WILL BE WAITING
JIM I KNOW YOU ARE VERY EXCITED, BUT STOP YELLING AT ME.
if i can give any adive at all i would suggest you just let it go and let the passion guide you. sex and thinking dont mix its more of a emotional connection that you are looking for and with that nothing can be fumbled or maybe the cock isnt big enough to actually handle…
Really? Guys yell at you and leave? I mean, are you doing something completely wrong, like trying to put a condom on his foot, or trying to act sexy by putting more clothes on? Judging by your picture you have a sexy body and know how to dress to show it off, so that cant be it. I understand what you mean about the problem being self-perpetuating, as each bad experience only causes more problems for the next time.
I’m no expert or anything (although that would be a great business card to have, wouldnt it?) but my line of thinking would be to try and take it slow, leaving your clothes on and just using your hands to explore each others bodies. With the clothes on there is no rush to try and take it too quickly, and therefore your brain should be able to slow down and learn what makes you feel good and, therefore, how your touch can make somebody else feel good. Trust me, just touching and rubbing with clothes on can be incredibly erotic.
The next step to take would be to do the same, but leaving your underwear on. Again, just slowly touching the skin, maybe kissing or licking certain areas to see how it feels. We can also rub the “naughty areas”, again over the clothing so you arent rushed into trying something too fast. When you are comfortable there we can move on to trying different types of foreplay, but again over the clothes. Learning how to react when a man wants to go down on you would help a lot, I would think. Knowing that he isnt going to go all the way and is just showing you how it feels leading up to it would help you be more comfortable when the actual time comes. And in the same way, slowly learning how to go down on a man, in slow steps, might help you get over the awkwardness of it all. If/When you are comfortable with all that, we could move on to the process of undressing each other. Even for me this can be very awkward, and we can limit it to stripping down and stopping if it makes you more comfortable. No need fumbling with your brain and a belt, as a belt is tough enough to do on its own! Haha…
These are just a couple of my ideas, and I hope they have been helpful. If you’d like to talk about it more, feel free to email me back and we can discuss whatever you like! Best of luck to you!
His answer is dry humping. That’s what I took away from this.
Watch porn, practice with toys, suck cucumbers, talk dirty, play up to guys egos, have fun, know your buttons…
lier.
That was the whole email. But I couldn’t let him get away with it. “bad speller.” I emailed back at him…
You’ve got a good sense of humor I see. I wasn’t so sure of the spelling, I even did a spell check, anyways while we’re on the topic awkward is spelled with 2 w’s, touché. OK that aside are you sincerely looking for some coaching, advise. and is that your beautiful ass?
SHIT. And with that I got busted. Hadn’t even known I spelled it wrong. Fuck. He nailed me. Touche.
HEY
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR JUST NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SEX. I DON’T KNOW ?WERE YOU FORCED OR DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT GUYS WANTED? FOR GREAT SEX WITH A PERSON ITS GIVE AND TAKE. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GIVE AND DON’T TAKE. HONESTY WILL SET YOU FREE. FIND YOUR INNER SLUT. YOUR DESIRE. AND RELATE IT. IF SOME ASSHOLE JUST WANTS YOU TO SUCK HIS DICK AND NOT TAKE CAR OF YOU. TELL HIM TO BEAT IT HIMSELF. FINALLY PRACTICE MAKES PERFECTION. YOU SHOULD NO THAT MISS HARVARD. 38 SWM NOT SO IVY LEAGUE. BUT SMART ENOUGH TO ROCK YOUR WORLD, OVER AND OVER AND OVER
TALK SOON
P.S. NICE ASS
I ALREADY TOLD JIM UP THERE TO STOP YELLING AT ME, AND NOW YOU’RE DOING IT TOO! ONLY YOU’RE USING WORDS THAT LOOK TERRIBLE IN ALL CAPS LIKE FORCED AND SLUT AND SUCK HIS DICK. LOWER YOUR CASE please.
I love using icecubes on women…starting out at ur nipples then slowly sliding it down ur stomach until i reach ur pussy. gently sliding it up and down along ur lips put being certain not to enter…slowly rubbing it on ur clit in nice small circles until it is nice, wet and swollen. Then sliding the cube back and forth between ur pussy and ur asshole. slowing down around ur asshole and seeing u tighten up cuz of the cold then pushing it back up to ur pussy and slide it in ever so gently. then sliding it back to ur ass and watching u deny it. back into ur pussy it goes while i slide a finger into ur mouth and have u suck on it and get it nice and warm and wet. after plunging the cube deep into ur pussy i would take my nice warm wet finger and slide in deep into ur ass. Now i would be finger fucking ur asshole & ravaging ur clit with my tongue.
interested in a few lessons??
This advice is for all the men. Putting things in a girls butt, then putting it in her pussy, can cause infections that aren’t fun for either of us. So pick a hole. Or use separate objects.
you are a woman, you could just lay there and enjoy if you really wanted to. but im 25 educated just got out of a long relationship, looking for fun now! i hope to hear back from you and teach you a thing or two
Sounds to me like you need to just run with it, and find a man that can both get off on your awkwardness and take charge of the situation.
No sense going against the grain of who you are as a person, that only makes sex less satisfying and more awkward.
It just so happens that I love awkward situations, and awkward people….there is something very interesting in it for me, exactly what I do not know.
I am also a very dominant male, able to be very aggressive and move you where I want you to be without asking you to be able to read my mind. Your fumbling will be kept to a minimum that way, and after a bit you will eventually figure out what your up to.
You posted a pic, which means you have tons of email because there are so many guys on here, but if you find this one give me a shout back.
27/ SWM/ 5’7″ 155lbs, very fit/ very attractive. D/D free w/ proof as of last week.
College educated, though not at Harvard. lol. Professional Artist.
Please you have to be kidding. First off with all that ass you shouldn’t be doing anything but laying their and being pleasured. My hot tongue deep inside your vaginal walls bring you to an orgasim. Then as your still laying there I insert my hard penis into you soaking wet pussy bring you to another orgasm while I slip out and masturbate my load onto those very large breast. Like I said you don’t need to do a thing because a good lover given all the assets you have to offer can make you a hands free pleasure palace.. Lol hit me up if you’d like to chat.
Just a thought…
Maybe its not you that’s awkward at all.
Maybe it’s the men your inviting into your bed
The right man can make it all go away and you’ll be thinking of yourself not as awkward, more like a hot porn star in bed 🙂
Nice approach.
simple! you need a good irish dick in your ass
Not so nice approach.
And lastly:
That thing is like a christmas ham!!!!!! All you need is practice and
patience
ahhhhh poetry.